“Thanks, Nurses! Here’s £3.50, back to work!”

So, you may have heard already but the UK government have done something remarkable in the last few days. They’ve somehow managed in this divisive time, to unite the whole country!

Now, granted, it’s united against them, but still. Quite an achievement!

Yes, it seems everybody agrees, they all hate the government, since Nurses, those incredible people we’ve all been calling heroic and clapping like crazed seals on our doorsteps for for a year?

Well, the UK government offered them a pay rise, of just 1%.

I know, 1%. Thanks, Nurses. Thanks for everything. Thanks for putting yourselves in harms way for us. Thanks for putting your entire families at risk and in some cases not seeing them for a year.

Here’s an Extra £3.50 a week. Don’t spend it all at once, will you?

£3.50 a week? Are you kidding me? £3.50 an hour would be an insult!

This news has led to the Royal College of Nurses launching a campaign urging, and I quote: “to look a Nurse in the eye and tell them they’re only worth an extra £3.50 a week.”

I highly doubt any person who supports this rise would ever do that, since a smack in the mouth often offends.

Since inflation is expected to be held at 1.5% in the next year, this means they’re effectively getting a pay cut, after everything they’ve done to keep us safe.

Even Scrooge would be like, “Damn, that’s cold!”

26 Million on a “WhiteHouse” Style press room, 900 Million on a new plane, 37 Billion for their mates on test and trace, 100 Billion on an already outdated HS2 project. 1% sound fair?

The Royal College of|Nurses are asking for much more than 1%, selfish! They’re asking for a 12.5% rise.

Unsurprisingly, the Government have seen a backlash over this, with PM Boris Johnson singled out for special criticism since, you know, just last year when he emerged from being hospitalized with the virus he said quote, “the NHS has saved my life, no question. It’s hard to find words to express my debt.”

Turns out it wasn’t that hard. “Here’s £3-50, back to work!?”

Nadine Dorries MP said she was “Pleasantly surprised” when she heard what nurses were offered, since no other public sector employee is getting one.

That’s Nadine Dorries, and I’m not kidding here, Minister for Mental Health.

“Nobody else is getting a raise! Quiet! Now, Are you having any suicidal thoughts?” Nadine Dorries (*head in hands)

The other argument given as to why Nurses are getting screwed by our government yet again, is that tired old chestnut, the one they roll out everytime a public service needs funding, the one you so well, altogether now….

“How you gonna pay for that?”

What I’d give, just once, for somebody, anybody, to tell that talking head on TV with that suit, and that tie, and that smug look on his face asking, “How you gonna find the money for that?” like he’s just cornered a criminal at the end of Columbo,..

What I’d give just once for them to say, “You never ask that when it comes to bombing the middle East, or when it comes to tax cuts for the rich, or bailing out the bankers when they lose everyone’s money, do you?”

Here’s how you could pay for that…

For a start, you can take all of millions you’ve been spending on propaganda campaigns in the middle East, like the one being waged against Syria, stop those, stop all the other wars we’re involved in, and give all the money you save to the nurses…

Not enough? No problem, you know how the richest 1000 people who’ve collectively doubled their wealth making about 400 Billion since the financial crash while the rest of you paid for their mistakes?

Well, you could tax those people at 90% for a decade and give THAT to the nurses, too. There’d be enough for everyone if you did that.

And if you can’t do that because it would be unfair on them, because,you know, they work so much harder than nurses…hard….giggle….nobody works harder than a nurse…

Well, that’s no problem, either. Because we can just PRINT the money needed! You know, since we own a printing press.

We can do that. And because we owe it ourselves, we could then forgive the debt.

Don’t let any MP or talking head on TV tell you we can’t, that we can’t give people what they so truly deserve, because we can. They never have any problem printing money when it comes to war or giving it their rich friends, do they?

This country is in a dire situation. The entire planet is. If after this we go back to business as usual and let them blind us with more bullshit then it’s over. For both us and for future generations.

These people right now telling you they can’t give nurses the bare minimum deserve will still be telling you it in ten years if you let them. Because let’s face it, they don’t really care about you, do they, Nurses?

Don’t they only really care about staying in power?

Nadine Dorries has had 8 pay rises in the last 10 years, is that right? And she’s Mental Health Minister?

Who’s Minister for International Trade? That lady who said after Brexit we’d be selling Naan Breads to India?

What? She is?

Before you go….

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