We’re almost through the first 2 months of 2021, and with talk that vaccinations are on the way up, and that the all-important ‘R number’ is on the way down, how are you feeling? Are you hopeful?
Are you hopeful that pretty soon we might get back to some sort of normality? I know I am.
It sure seems that all pointers are pointing in that general direction. And while we need to be cautious not to take steps forward now that will mean U-turns later, there’s talk of an easing of lockdown restrictions, and politicians both past and present are giving us their roadmaps to the future – whether we wanted them to or not.
One such politician is former Prime Minister Tony Blair. He’s already given us his ‘Roadmap out of Covid Lockdown’, which inevitably led to what looked like the entirety of Twitter hoping that particular road leads Tony straight to the Hague to finally answer for his lies and war crimes.
So, you know, we may have had a rough year and winning the lottery is a stretch, but still, fingers crossed!
Meanwhile our nation’s current PM, Boris Johnson, who never lies, of course, is rumoured to be giving us his brilliant vision of how Britain will Build Back Better next week. I’m confident that when this happens nobody will talk about it, they’ll all still be talking about his hair it will be so wild it will be declared a nature reserve and rare bird’s will be nesting in it. Which he’ll be just fine with, of course, since that means they won’t be talking about the 120k dead on his watch from this virus.
At least I think that’s the plan, anyway.
Listen, if lockdown restrictions make me look like *THIS* then the same should apply to the person who is responsible for it! Okay?
Labour Party Leader Sir Keir Starmer, meanwhile, who some have said is a bigger threat to the Tories than Tony Blair, has also put forward his post Covid plan, and for people like me this is of particular interest.
You see, I’m from the West Midlands. An area of the country which has historically voted Labour, but turned Tory blue at the last election because centrists in Labour like Sir Keir decided that the best course of action for Labour was to throw their base support in the Midlands and North who voted for Brexit under the bus, losing them the election because they told their die-hard support that they got Brexit wrong and democracy didn’t matter.
Sir Keir’s big plan is this: First, he’s going to target people during lockdown who saved money. Yes, those people. He means the rich, since they’re the only ones with any because nobody has a job any more. Anyway, he’s going to convince them to buy his “British Recovery Bonds”, which will give them a financial reward and help kickstart the economy again.
I guess that’s the plan, anyway. I don’t really know. He thinks it’s a brilliant plan but on the other hand I think it’s yet another scheme poor and working class people won’t benefit from.
How he’s going to get these people to buy “British Recovery Bonds” with the money they saved during lockdown I don’t know. All I know is I’m not convinced in his cunning plan. I watched as banks printed trillions in the last year after a decade of saying they couldn’t do that anymore because hell would freeze over. I watched as they made poor people pay for their mistakes for a decade instead, then printed trillions and gave it away in interest-free loans to their rich friends who then got richer off the back of a pandemic. I watched them do all this all at the same time as they stole Iran’s oil and Venezuela’s gold simply because America’s version of Alan Sugar managed to con his way to be their President and didn’t like their governments.
I’m not sure trusting our savings to exactly the same people who crashed the global economy in 2008 and made you pay for it while they reaching pharaoh-like levels of wealth again is the best course of action going forward. Are you?
Anyway, after convincing people with money to buy these brilliant British bonds, Keir’s proposed giving out start-up loans for 100,000 new small firms, focusing especially in areas outside the South-East. You know, those areas that Labour abandoned at the last election. It seems this is his olive branch to them. This is Labour’s plan to get the working Midlands and North back on side. They’re going to make banks give out loans to small businesses who will then create jobs and boost the economy further and all the money made will then, presumably, trickle down to the working and poorer classes who Keir thinks got Brexit wrong.
What these 100k small firms will be doing I don’t know. And how they’ll survive going up against giant Monopolies like Amazon which have basically been the only place you can buy anything from for the last year consolidating their already grossly unfair and anti-Democratic power is anybody’s guess. Keir seems confident, though. So that means something, right?
And that’s it! Labour’s big plan for the future is for the rich to buy bonds, for the middle classes to apply for loans to start small business, which will then easily out-compete giants like Amazon thus creating millions of jobs and all the wealth then trickles down on the heads of the rest of us, lifting the poor out of poverty in the process.
You know. Because a rising tide lifts all boats, or some other metaphor which fits this tired old theory. If you’re sitting there thinking you’ve heard all this before, you’re right. You have. Probably many, many times before. I’ve been hearing this exact same plan my entire life!
It’s the Conservative’s plan!
Even they argued that Sir Keir had stolen most of his ideas from them. But Sir Keir responded by saying the Conservatives were “incapable of seizing this moment.”
I’m reminded of an Interview years ago with the rapper Vanilla Ice, after he was accused of ripping off a ‘Queen’ classic. He argued his massive hit, “Ice Ice Baby” was WAY different to “Under Pressure” by Queen, since “Under Pressure” went, “Bum bum bum bubba dumdum,” whereas “Ice Ice Baby” went, “Bum bum bum bum bubba dumdum, TISS! and that’s TOTALLY different!!”
That argument is still a better one than Keir’s argument his plan isn’t the Tory plan. Since, you know, at least Vanilla mad an argument. At least it was an excuse. However terrible. Sir Keir didn’t even bother to try.
So as far as I can see, that’s the post-Covid Labour Plan. It’s the old Tory one. As for what the actual Tory plan will be we’ll find that out next week. Presumably after Boris’s government does it’s usual trick of leaking details to the media ahead of time in order to gauge the public’s reaction and find out how badly they’re going to need to lie to cover up for all the laws they’ll be breaking in the process, and and all the friends they’ve given Billion pound contracts to.
I’m joking but honestly, I’m not that far from the truth, am I?
Our country is going to need bold new ideas if it is to recover from the biggest depression in the history of ever, and Labour’s big plan is nothing like it. It’s basically an old Tory plan that’s been dusted off and presented like their own.
It’s an analogue solution in a digital era put forward by a party seldom outside the South East support any more, and it doesn’t give me any hope whatsoever.
Before you go….
There’s never been a more important time for independent journalism, or a worse time to get paid for it. I don’t get any advertising money at all at the time of writing.